the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
