Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
People with herpes should wear stickers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
