That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
