Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize