I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I just put wine in my tea
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize