I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
