is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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