im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
