What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
