I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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