in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize