I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
