I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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