Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
