no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize