I just cut my nipple shaving
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize