Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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