I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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