if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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