he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
