when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
