the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
