Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
