Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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