So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
