is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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