I wish I only lived at night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
