To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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