are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize