Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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