i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
