You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
