I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
