Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
