It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
