is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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