Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
