a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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