so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
