ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
