I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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