why didn't you poke me back
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
