Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
