How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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