Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
