wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
