The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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