there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Congratulations! We have a period
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