a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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