Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
