You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wear drunk well.
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