i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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