he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize