I smell stomach acid.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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