just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
