I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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