the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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