YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
