so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize