i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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