That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
