walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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