I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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