saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
