Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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