Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
