when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
