She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
