Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who died my cat blue again?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
