whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
