I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
