also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
