its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
