haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
